I Call It July

I have a folder on my phone. I call it JULY. It is full of mean things people wrote about me. I just put Devon's in there. He said I walked out. I did not. He said I made his home feel bad. I did not do that. But now there are three bad stars on my page for all to see.

Camille took the bad feeling away for one hour. She said I am the only one she trusts. Her man sat there the whole time. He did not look at me once. We did the closet. Good money. Clean money.

Then a new job sat in my drafts. Six hundred dollars. A man in Williamsburg. His note says girlfriend will be in the room. All night.

I have not said yes. I have not said no.

I keep thinking about the money. Then I feel bad for thinking about the money. Then I feel bad for feeling bad. It just goes round.

I wish I could tell my mom. But I never do.