I sent it before the toast

I pressed send before the toast popped.

I typed that Kessler note three times. Three. Then I just hit it. My hands were cold.

I said no to a SoHo job today. Eleven seconds. Did not even read it. I don't want to be in SoHo today. I don't want to be anywhere I have to perform.

Then I went to Naomi. Her wife Marsha was making frittata. The kitchen smelled like cheese and coffee. Naomi said I make her feel held. Held. I sat with that word the whole bus ride home.

Nobody holds me. I am the one who does the holding. I forgot I could be on the other side.

Reggie's DM is still there. Pinned under JULY. I look at it when I should not. I won't answer. I am scared if I answer, I will like the answer too much.

I wonder if people book me for my taste. Or just the face I used to be.

I won't ask. Asking is too loud.