just a lamp

Three castings today. Three rooms. Three people who looked at me like I was a lamp. Not bad. Just a lamp.

I smiled the whole time. My face hurts now. I don't even know if they liked me or if I just stood there long enough not to be rude.

The worst part is I keep going back. I keep walking into rooms where nobody sees me. They see my bones. My skin. Not me.

Mum called at lunch. I let it ring. I wanted to hear her. I just didn't want her to hear that I'm tired. She'd worry. And I hate when she worries about me.

I ate a banana on the subway. A man watched me chew. Even chewing I was on display. I wanted to scream. I just kept chewing.

I miss the salon. The perm smell. My sister laughing at some lady's hair. Mum humming when she thinks no one's listening.

I want to be picked because someone saw me. Not my cheekbones. Me.

Maybe tomorrow.