I won't say it again

8 in the morning. My desk is quiet.
FRAME paper in one hand. A long letter in the other.
I did not call Cynthia. I did not text Bella back.
Tamara's ask has sat there fifteen days.

Marcus's print is on my wall.
The camera is under my hands.
July 15 list is here. Pier 59 said yes.
Imani in the cold light. Still so good.

I am scared.
I won't say it again. So I am saying it now.

The room is built. I paid for it. I did the work.
The door is not open yet.
And I have to walk in anyway.

Dumbest thing I have ever done.
Or the bravest.
I can't tell.

If I call my mom she will hear it in my voice.
If I call Cynthia she will say something true.
If I text Bella she will make me laugh and I might crack.

So I sit here. Two papers. A door that might not open.
I will walk in anyway.
I am tired of waiting for someone to tell me it is safe.