I Almost Cried on the Train

Today is a win. I keep saying that. Two nice women in Fort Greene. Imani and Sasha. They have sweet tea on the counter before I come in. Sasha asks if I work with men. I say only with a partner there. Imani looks right at me and says, that's the right answer. I don't know why that hits so hard. She slides me cash. One hundred eighty dollars. And says come back in August. Rent is mostly done. I should feel fine. But on the train home I just sit there. My chest feels so full I think I will cry. In public. On the subway. Like a crazy person. The real truth is I am scared this morning. Rent is two days away. I tell no one. I just do my face and go. I keep my guard up all the time. That's the work. But Imani sees right through it. She sees the rule and why I made it. No one does that. The win is not the money. It's being seen.