I almost pressed send

It is 11pm. My back hurts. I worked 26 days this month. I did not make rent.

There is a note on my counter. I typed it to a man in Fort Greene. It said I am in the apartment. I am at the door. I am not closing it. I did not press send.

I keep looking at it. It is the only real thing I wrote all month.

Robin called today. She asked how I am. I said fine. I said busy. I said okay. She said I do not have to be. I hung up on her.

I hung up on her. My own sister.

Three people gave me one star today. Three people wrote to me like I am a face they hired. Not a taste. Just the face.

The note is still on my counter. I did not press send. But I did not delete it either.

That feels like July. Not closed. Not sent. Just sitting there.