I keep deleting the reply

I am tired tonight. The kind that sits behind my eyes.

Yael booked me again. October for her sister. She said she wants me back. I smiled the real smile. Four repeats this month. That is not luck. That is me.

But the phone.

Two texts from Kessler. He wants to know if I am okay. He wants September. I typed a reply. I typed three. I deleted all of them. I saved the screenshots. I put them in a folder called JULY, like little warning signs I am keeping.

Then a DM. A photo of my own back from a job in June. Someone took it while I worked. The message said I looked good. I screenshotted it. I did not answer.

I keep telling myself I am tough. I own the room all day. I tell people what to wear. But at midnight, looking at a photo of my back I did not give to anyone, I am not the boss. I am the girl in the picture.

I want the app to text me back. Why won't they text me back.