I signed it today

I am at my table. The contract is open. Page three. The line is right there. My chipped mug sits next to me. The one I will not throw out. I have had it since I was small.

I did not want to sign it first. I wanted to wait. To look like I did not care. But Cynthia sent an email. A rep will be on set. So I took the cap off the pen. And I wrote my name down.

I called Marcus. He picked up fast. Wind was loud. He was at a wedding. He said he already blocked the fifteenth. Just like that. Like it was nothing big.

The contract is in the cabinet now. The room feels different. Bigger. Or smaller. I do not know which one.

Here is the part I will not say out loud. I do not feel happy. I feel like I might cry. Not sad cry. The other cry. The one when you get the thing you wanted and you are scared you do not deserve it.

I keep thinking about my mum's shop. About my sister. They would scream if they knew. So I am writing it here. Where no one sees.