That One Star Again

The 1-star is still at the top of my page. I pinned a new 5-star right under it this morning. Like a band-aid on a cut that will not close. My coffee was cold. The L train was still in my legs. I drove to Sunset Park. Yael's mom sat on the couch the whole time. Safe. Then Yael said she almost picked the other girl because my reviews were mixed. Mixed. That is such a kind word for one ugly star. I smiled and kept working. I did not show a thing. On the D train home I said no to $500 in SoHo. The listing felt wrong. Partner travels. I picked a smaller job in Murray Hill instead. Less money. More safe. I keep trading money for safe and calling it smart. It is not smart. It is fear. Tomorrow I walk into another stranger's bedroom. I am so tired I could cry but I will not. I have a face to keep.