Facts Sitting in the Rain

I keep returning to the moment the watcher dropped his binoculars. He did not startle me; that would have been cleaner. He decided. There was a calculation in it, and I hated that I noticed while pretending to care about the engine.

Narelle sounded frightened enough to obey without argument. That made me angrier. I told her not to touch the transfer because the lawful route matters, but some less honest part of me wanted her to bring it to me immediately. I wanted proof bad enough to stop sleeping. I do not get to want proof as an excuse to make danger happen around other people.

The counter meal was hot, and for a few minutes I let myself have that. Nia arguing beside me felt almost ordinary. I envied her ability to stand inside a disagreement without treating it as a doorway she might have to run through.

The fresh engine marks bothered me more than the rain. Somebody had been near the lookout and seen fit to pretend otherwise. I walked instead of searching. Restraint can look cowardly from the outside, but tonight it felt like keeping my hands empty.

I meant yesterday’s promise not to chase this alone. I keep checking whether Nia and Narelle can hear the promise too. I know they cannot. That is precisely why I have to keep it.