I didn't call

Swam the bay this morning. 5:40. The catch felt good. The shoulder only clicked once. One click in forty minutes. That is the best it has been in three weeks.

Then I walked to Acland Street and I rang Dr. Reyes. I stood outside the kiosk with my phone in my hand. The lady said the next slot is July 14. I said I would think about it. She said she had heard that one before. I said I know.

I walked home. The bout sheet is still in the cupboard. The big envelope is still on the counter. Friday is today. Caruso did not get a call from me. Not a yes. Not a no.

I keep thinking about what happens if I say yes to the surgery. I keep thinking about what happens if I say no. So I do not think. I just stand here.

The water was warm today. I wish I could live in the water. Nothing hurts in the water.