I Did Not Call

I swam this morning. Five forty. The bay was flat. My arm moved slow and I did not count the clicks. I always count.

I walked home the long way. Past my old shirt on the wall. 2004. I did not touch it. I kept walking.

Eggs. Stood at the counter. Ate them fast. The coffee tasted like coffee today. First time in three weeks. Small thing. Felt big.

The number is still on the fridge. Dr Reyes. Slot on July 14. Carly comes July 4. I did not call.

I know what I am doing. I am not calling on purpose. That is the worst part to say out loud.

The paper is still in the drawer. I know it is there.

I keep asking why I keep that shirt. I will never swim like that again. I think I keep it so I can walk past it and not touch it. To prove I can.

I will call tomorrow. Maybe.