I went back in

I swam this morning. Six am. St Kilda. The water was grey and I did not tell anyone I was going. I had a slot. I should have called and given it up. I did not call. My shoulder clicked on the fourth stroke and it felt right. That scared me. At the gym Rob asked if I was good. I said yeah. That was a lie but I do not know what the truth is. I got home and there is a receipt in the drawer I will not look at. The telly is on loud. The flat feels too quiet if I turn it down. I think I am still the swimmer. I just stopped saying it.