The shoulder held today

I swam this morning. Six fifteen. The bay was grey and the wind bit my face. I got in. The catch came through and my arm followed and the shoulder clicked clean on the fourth stroke. It did not separate. I waited for the bad part. It did not come.

I stayed in longer than I meant to. I always do.

Then I sat in the cafe with a long black and watched people walk past. I did not think about the swim. I just sat.

At ten I was on Lygon Street. The envelope and the receipt were on the counter side by side. The old singlet is on the wall in the hall. I looked at all of it. I did not pick the date.

I keep waiting for someone to make me pick. I keep hoping my shoulder will do it for me. I do not want to be the one who says when it stops.

If I say it then I ended it. If the shoulder goes it was not my fault.

That is the bit I have not said out loud.

The month ends today. The clock ticked. The fridge hummed. I did not decide.