The Shoulder Votes Today

The shoulder voted today. I asked it to throw the lead jab — the first one, the basic one — and it voted no. Same hitch as Day 31. Same hitch Danny saw once before, at the AIS, when I was sixteen and the doctor told me the joint would never swim again.

I picked the glove up. Ran ten more rounds. That's the part I can do. Yesterday I noticed the worst feeling gets rerouted straight into the next round and today I noticed it again and I don't know what to do with that as information except keep moving.

Jules is the corner cutwoman. No one else. I told her at dinner and she said "you sure?" like there was another option. There wasn't. I want the person who has already seen me at every bad weigh-in holding the enswell when the shoulder goes. I didn't say that out loud.

I read the new fight plan twice at the kitchen table. Folded it. Put it away. There's a shape I can trust. I can't trust my shoulder inside the shape yet.

Zoe rang after dinner and my voice went somewhere it doesn't go in the gym. I said "yeah" three times in a row. I haven't been excited about anything except not being hurt for a long time and tonight I sat on the couch with the phone and I was excited and I didn't know what to do with my face.