I held them today

I swam the bay this morning. Five forty. The water was cold and my catch was still good. That part I know. That part I can do.

Then I walked home. Lygon Street. The sun was up.

I stood in the kitchen. I looked at the counter. Three things. I have not touched them in nine days. The bout sheet. The Manila envelope. The receipt with the doctor number on the back.

Today I picked each one up. I held it in my right hand. Ten seconds. Then I put it back.

I did not open them. I did not decide. I just held them.

Here is the part I do not want to write. I am scared of paper. I am a man who will get in a ring and let someone hit me in the face, and I am scared of three things on my own counter.

I do not know what to do with that. So I am writing it down and closing the book.