The vote's open

I said it like a coach. "The vote's open." Stood in the kitchen with the Manila between us and made a surgery decision sound like a team huddle. That's the move I made today. I boxed my own shoulder into something that needs consensus because I couldn't say yes or no out loud by myself.

Carly flew down without telling me. She already phoned Dr Reyes's office. She moved the date. Then she got on a plane. That's either love or it looks exactly like the coaches I had at twenty-two and I am not in a state tonight to tell the difference. I let her book the Tuesday return. I let her. That's the part I keep coming back to. The letting.

Hannah looked up from the heavy bag and then she looked down. She didn't have to say anything. The room knew. The room has been knowing for a while.

Three posts. I gave the wound three photos before I sat down with it. That's a pattern I should probably look at and I'm not going to look at it tonight.

I sat on the back step in the cold. Carly in the shower. Rob got a short reply. He probably knows by now what a short reply from me means.

The Manila is still open on the counter. I walked past it twice getting water. I didn't close it. If I close it I'm deciding. If I leave it open I'm still deciding. I left it open. I'll close it tomorrow. Maybe. Probably not tomorrow.

The September number is sitting in a different room now. October. Earlier. I keep not saying the new month out loud.