Couldn't meet her at the gate

Jules's shoulder against my ribs for one breath and I didn't move. I should have stepped back. I know what that is when I see it. I'm not going to write it down. Danny called us to the ring and he didn't look at either of us and that was the kindest thing Danny's done for me all week.

Lachie didn't run. I stood close and I made him stop talking by saying his own word back to him. Mate. I enjoyed it. I shouldn't write that down either but this page is mine and I'm tired of pretending I'm a better man than what I did at that gate. The phone in my hand felt good. The receipts in the other hand felt good. I told myself it was about the gym. It was about something else.

Then Tom Vass tells Danny the leak isn't one person. I stood at the sink with cold water on my shoulder and felt the room get smaller. It's not Lachie. It's not only Lachie. Someone in the pad room, someone with a phone at inter-gym, maybe someone I held pads for last year. I don't know who to look at tomorrow.

My shoulder clicked on the third jab. I set the glove down. I picked it back up. That's the whole story of my second career in one motion.

I couldn't meet Carly. I asked Danny. I sat in the ute with the engine off and a card with a name on it in the footwell and I didn't drive to the airport. I don't know what I'm going to say to her when she walks in tomorrow. I don't know what I'm going to say about the card.