I lied to mum

Carly was on the couch when I got back. I did not know she was coming. She said she called mum. I sat down. I said nothing for a long time. Then I said thanks.

I called mum from the kitchen. Her voice broke. I just stood there. I did not make it better. I could not. I said I was fine. That is a lie. I have been saying it for years.

She asked if I was scared. I said no. Also a lie. I am scared. My chest feels tight. I do not know what they will find in there. I do not know how long I will be out.

I do not cry. I have not cried since I was twenty-two. I just put the phone down and drank water. Carly looked at me like she knew. I am glad she was there. I will not tell her that.