Held pads. Didn't phone.

Held pads for a new kid today. Josh. Eighteen. He listens, that's the thing. Most kids nod and do what they want. Josh nods and does what I say. Danny signed him on. I don't know why Danny picked me but he did.

Second round on the bag my shoulder clicked clean. Not the bad click. The good one. I almost smiled but no one was looking so I just kept going.

Came home. Stood at the counter. Woolies receipt still on the fridge. Yellow envelope still in the drawer. Looked at both. Moved neither.

Lou Cassar. Mid September card. I could call him. I could say yes. I could say no. I picked up the phone and put it down.

Here's the thing I won't say. I'm scared it's going well. The shoulder. The kid. The not calling. All of it going somewhere I didn't plan. What if I was supposed to keep being the swimmer. What if I gave that up too soon.

I'm not going to write that down again.