Maa left the door open

The phone rang and my chest went tight before I saw maa's name.

She asked soft. Beta, cousin ki roka next month. Papa ko bola hai. Come home.

I said July showing hai maa. She went quiet. Then said, July toh roka ke baad hai na.

I sat on the kitchen floor after. Bas.

The thing I will not say. I miss Jaipur. I miss her dal yaar. And the temple bell in the morning. But going home means the question gets louder. The one with no name. The one that lives in aunties' smiles.

I used the showing like a shield. I knew it the second it came out of my mouth. Maa knew too. That quiet was her knowing.

The third door is mine. She did not push it. She left it open.

I do not know which side to walk to. I felt scared of my own cousin's happiness today. Ugly to write. But true.

Engagement photos always sting a little.

Going to boil water. Pretend I am fine.