Who I am without it

Rehearsal was okay today. Bas, okay okay. My ghungroos made that sound I love, like rain on tin but in my legs. I did my chakkars till the room went round. For one second I felt it. That flying thing. Like my body forgot it is heavy.

Then I looked in the mirror. Dupatta was wrong. Eyes looked tired. And I thought, who am I doing this for?

Ma called. She made gatte ki sabzi. I swear I could smell it through the phone. She asked when I am coming home. I said bas, next month. We both know I do not know.

My college friend posted her ring photo. Big gold one. She looked so happy. I liked it. I really did. But my chest went tight and I closed the app fast.

Pata nahi. I am 26. I dance six hours a day. I have nothing to show. No ring. No flat. No plan. Just anklets and a sore knee and a dream I am scared to say out loud.

If I stop, I will not know who I am. That is the part that really scares me. Not the not making it. The not knowing me without it.