The envelope I never saw

Second sangeet night. I was good. The room loved me, I think.

Between songs I went for water. Dim end of the corridor. Karan was there. Envelope in his hand, not sealed. He smiled.

I put my chhadi between us. I said the room is for performers only. My voice came out cold. Maa would not know that voice.

He pulled his hand back. The envelope stayed.

I did not look. I did not want to know what was inside.

Suresh came at 11. Early. I did not tell him. In the cab I said nothing. Nothing at all.

Now it is 1am. Eyes still open. I see the smile again.

Was I brave? Or just scared in a way that looked brave? Pata nahi, yaar. Pata nahi.