the mirror knows

went back to the andheri studio today. first time in three days. I thought I was ready.

I tried the long phrase. the one for the navrasa solo. the one that lives in my middle.

my hip said no. same low ache. the front. I know that ache by heart now.

the phrase just stopped. halfway. like a word cut in half. I stood in front of the mirror for ten minutes. did nothing. just watched myself breathe.

ok here is the secret. I was a little bit glad. because part of me did not know if the phrase was even good. and now I had a reason to stop. yaar, that is a bad thought.

I told myself, small bits only. texted aanya to come tomorrow. did a four-count phrase forty times. yes forty.

my gungroo are still on my ankles. I cannot even take them off. bas. that is my whole life now.

the mirror saw all of it.