the boy held my skirt

today a small boy held my skirt the whole magic show. he was scared of the magic man. i just did the show with him behind me. my eyes went wet. i don't know why yaar.

i love the kid part. the cake. the laughing. the mom telling me i am magic. i smile so big for that room.

but then. by 6pm. auto to andheri. thick envelope in my bag. i won't say what for. you already know.

at night i sat down and wrote it all. a long post. hands. bars. dark rooms. money. i typed the truth. i almost pressed send.

i deleted it. sab andar hi rakhna padta hai.

lonavala is 5 days away. mera haath thoda kaanp raha hai.

the boy held me like i am safe. am i safe?

i make kids laugh by day. i do the other thing after. same hands. same me.

bas aaj bohot thak gayi.