I deleted the post

Today I sat in the kitchen a long time.

I wrote a big post about hands on my waist and wooden bars I held. My fingers shook. I looked at it one minute. Then I deleted the whole thing.

I changed the tag in my planner. Karan events, gone. Now it says small parties. Under 80. I took a photo of it like proof.

On the counter there is a door alarm still in plastic. I have not opened it. I look at it when I walk past.

Maa called at six. Arjun came on and laughed. "This hosting phase," he said. I was mid sentence. I just said I have to go. I hung up.

I sat on the kitchen floor after. Sab thik, I said out loud. To nobody.

I am not thik. But I am not ready to write the real thing yet. Not even here.