The White Tunnel

I went to that MRI place today. Bandra. Long white tunnel. I lay still for forty min. My hip did not move. My mind did not rest. Just bang bang bang the whole time inside me.

Ha ha. Big tough dancer. Cannot open a paper on the kitchen counter. Very brave, Meera.

I have the disc. It is on the counter next to the paper and my gungroo. I will open it. Bas not now. Not tonight.

I know what I am doing. I am the girl who will not look. Like if I do not see, it is not true. Pata nahi kya nikal aayega.

One year of this hip. One year of saying "it is fine." After class it hurts. After a show it hurts more. And the answer is right here and I cannot open it.

The gungroo is looking at me. It is the only one that knows. Sab thik nahi hai. I am not thik. I am scared I will not dance the same again.