the report i opened

i sat on the studio floor today. no shoes. no chai. just me and two docs on my phone.

one is priya ma'am. she said yes. july 25. two pm. black floor. ninety min. kalina main room. the yes i have wanted for two whole years.

the other is dr desai's mri. from two days ago. i have not read it. i keep saying it is for someone else. like a chart about a girl i don't know.

but yaar. it is mine. it is my back. it is my legs.

the showing has to be a piece my body can do. not the one i want. the one i can. i knew this before my first sip of chai. it is a big sad thing and a small brave thing at the same time.

bas, i am scared. i will not say that out loud. i will say it here so i can stop holding it in my jaw.

if this body is done, then who am i. don't answer. i am not ready.