I cut her out

Today I cut her out. My chakkardar. The one guru ji put into my body when I was thirteen. The one I used to do in my sleep. I sat on the mat and said it out loud, to the empty room. She had to go. Aanya was there. She did not say one word. Just held her thermos tight.

The muscle by my hip. Right side. It was not sore. It was a line. A red line drawn through me. I have been dancing on her for weeks, yaar. Pretending. Smiling. Doing the turn anyway.

I am scared. What if more goes? What if I keep cutting little bits and one day there is just a woman standing still on a mat?

That is the thought I keep dodging. I wrote it down so I cannot lie about it tomorrow.

It is quiet now. The work got quiet. I do not know if I love that yet.