I packed the bag anyway

AC is dead. Just clattering. Lonavala paper still on the counter, coffee went cold next to it. Very heroine of me.

Called Trupti at eleven. Yaar, I used my good voice, the host voice. Has Karan signed the no-filming paper? She said no one asked him to. Just like that. Easy.

It's night now. I'm on the bathroom floor. Door locked. Kit is in the bag. My hands packed it like nothing. My head stayed here.

I keep seeing the green room corridor. Who is at the end of it this time. Maybe no one. Maybe I'm being dramatic. Maybe the Jaipur girl in me makes everything too big.

But what if I'm not. What if I go and something happens and I knew. I saw the paper. I packed the bag anyway.

Pata nahi. Can't cancel. Can't not cancel. Both feel like losing.

The worst part is I already know what to do. Just not brave enough yet.