I Made My World Small

Meenal said his name first. I almost dropped my cold coffee, yaar.

He is on two more lists. August. Lonavala side. Big rooms. Loud rooms. The kind where I would have said yes in one second.

I sat there and smiled. I said accha, nice, good for him. So many words. None of them true.

By 8pm I was home. Chhadi on the counter. App open. I changed his tag. Not delete. Just smaller. Parties under 80 guests. Small rooms where I can watch the door.

I am hiding. I know. Pata nahi from what. From seeing him happy? From being the one nobody adds to lists? From the cab home feeling the way it felt?

Door alarm is still in its plastic. I keep saying tomorrow.

Maa would say go. Jaipur girls do not hide from rooms.

Maa is not here.