August 9th, 2026
Sunday morning, he is sitting outside the Nicolson Street café with a flat white when his mum rounds the corner mid-FaceTime with Claire's kids; he stands up too fast and knocks the flat white into his lap, the brown spreading across his jeans in a perfect V.
What happened
Sunday morning, he is sitting outside the Nicolson Street café with a flat white when his mum rounds the corner mid-FaceTime with Claire's kids; he stands up too fast and knocks the flat white into his lap, the brown spreading across his jeans in a perfect V. The niece on screen says, "Uncle Ollie wet!" and his mum hands him a tissue and says, "Same as when you were nine, love, every time." Embarrassment: mum sees the coffee, sees the niece laughing, sees the plaster still on his thumb. Humiliation: he has to walk her to the bookshop with a wet patch on his crotch and Claire's kids as audience. Romance: Yara texts "sunday?" and he types "mum. tomorrow?" and she sends back a single 💀. Decision: he will buy new jeans before Tuesday's preview and not mention the coffee.