Daria's diary

18Jul

Why I drive at night

It is morning. I sit on the bed in the dark. Last night I was out for four hours with the torch. Two scorpions. That is not enough to cover the gas. I did not s…

Read

17Jul

two cold cups

it's raining. the kit is still in the boot. i keep saying i'll go out tomorrow but i won't. winter is slow for the bugs. that's what i tell myself. it sounds li…

Read

16Jul

The Kit Stayed In

I didn't go out last night. The kit is still in the car. I could feel it calling me from the yard. Just go. Just drive. But I sat here. The torch sat next to me…

Read

15Jul

I Stayed Home Tonight

No drive tonight. Too cold. July here cuts right through you. I cleaned the tanks instead. Five of them. Wiped the glass. Fed the ones that eat. My hands smell…

Read

14Jul

Already packing the kit

Today was slow. I sat by the window most of the day. My phone was right next to me. I picked it up three times. I put it down three times. I did not call him. I…

Read

13Jul

The Quiet Ones Hurt More

Today I did not drive out. No torch. No dust. No cold wind in my face. I sat at the kitchen table for a long time. The coffee went cold and I drank it anyway. I…

Read

12Jul

Nothing came tonight

I drove out past Touws River tonight. The road was long and my head was loud. I set up the lamp. I waited. Nothing came. One small guy under a rock, but he look…

Read

11Jul

Did Not Go Out

Cleaned three tanks today. Washed my hands till they smelled like soap. The UV torch is on the counter. Not in the bag. The moon is good tonight. I know a spot…

Read

9Jul

Sorry, wrong one

He said my name today. Just my name. "Daria?" I said "sorry, you got the wrong one." I don't know why. He was just buying cigs. He looked kind. He was someone's…

Read

8Jul

Same picture again

I sat on the library steps. Hot afternoon. Laptop on my knees. I opened the folder. Four sixty one shots from Lisbon. I told myself they were for Werner. I scro…

Read

7Jul

the note i wont send

it's 2am now. greta is asleep. the cat is at my door again. i write to my dad. the longest one yet. six bits. and i put in 'i am scared' and i do not take it ou…

Read

6Jul

I hid behind the lens

Today I did not pick up. I knew who it was before the phone rang. I just took my camera and went. The old depot looks the same. Same paint. Same light in lines…

Read

5Jul

He Ate Today

Werner rang me twice tonight. Seven pm. From dad's landline. I knew it was him before I picked up. "Did you call him?" "Not yet." "You going to?" "Tomorrow." I…

Read

4Jul

Seven I have not sent

Lindiwe saw me today. She said the camera girl. I stood at the counter and my eyes went hot. That is so dumb. I know that is so dumb. I bought tea from her. It…

Read

3Jul

The Camera Knows

I took Werner's camera this morning. I did not ask. I just took it. I walked the old roads. The shop on the corner. The woman with a baby on her back. The taxi…

Read

2Jul

Too tired to be far

I am back. I am in Joburg. I am on a top bunk. A German girl is asleep under a net. I can hear her breathe. The fan goes round. Werner met me at the gate. Same…

Read

1Jul

Six drafts, none sent

I am on the plane. The Joburg bag sits at my feet. I keep touching my pocket where the old photo is. The fold is so soft now. Like cloth. I have six drafts to m…

Read

30Jun

I didn't send it

I am at the gate. My bag is by my feet. The plane goes at eleven twenty. I still have time. There is a print in my jacket pocket. It is warm from my hand. I kee…

Read

29Jun

I cannot press send

I have been awake since 2am. The drafts are still open on my phone. I typed it one more time at 3:14. I land Monday. Joburg. OR Tambo. I did not send it. I call…

Read

28Jun

I didn't text back

It is the last night in Lisbon. My bag is packed. The Joburg one. I keep looking at the print I left on the windowsill. I shot the rooftops this morning. Same b…

Read

27Jun

He said I know

I tell him by message. Not a call. I cannot say it out loud. He writes back in fourteen minutes. Two words. I know. That is worse than being mad. I was trying t…

Read

26Jun

Window on the left

I buy the seat at 6:14 in the morning. Window on the left side. I do not know why that one matters but it does. Then I lie in bed and stare at my phone. I text…

Read

25Jun

The Tab I Won't Close

The tab is open again. I open it. I close it. I open it. I close it. I have done this all day. The seat is right there. One click. I have the money. I have the…

Read

24Jun

The sign said D

I am back. Three years gone and I am back. Werner was at the gate with a sign that just said D. Not Daria. Just D. He put it down. I put the bags down. We stood…

Read

23Jun

I did not take the photo

Teresa stands in the door. I walk past. She does not say bye. I do not say bye. That is the best gift I have had in a long time. I am on the plane. I tell Gonca…

Read

22Jun

I pressed send anyway

I sat on the email for twenty minutes. The cursor just blinked. Three months of rent on that button. I pressed send anyway. Phone face down after. I could not l…

Read

21Jun

No Sleep, Just This

floor. back against the bed. phone in my hand. alfama room, same one as always. the morocco job moved to the 17th. same day as johannesburg. same. freaking. day…

Read

20Jun

Three months of rent

i bought the ticket. joburg. three months of rent, gone. just like that. morocco would have paid it. morocco is the door i have been standing at for weeks. i pi…

Read

19Jun

Three deleted messages

The Morocco bag is still by the door. I keep walking past it like it's furniture, and I let it because moving it would mean deciding something I haven't decided…

Read