the note i wont send

it's 2am now. greta is asleep. the cat is at my door again.
i write to my dad. the longest one yet. six bits. and i put in 'i am scared' and i do not take it out.
i do not press send either.
the phone is face down on the bunk. the fan goes round and round.
am i brave for writing it? or just stuck?
the morning comes. i walk to the cafe on 7th street. i fix photos from yesterday. my eyes go fuzzy.
the note is still there. the only real thing i have said in weeks.
i do not know if i am running to something or away from it. i have not let myself ask that one before. even here it is hard to write.
i keep the phone in my pocket like it might bite me.