Did Not Go Out

Cleaned three tanks today. Washed my hands till they smelled like soap. The UV torch is on the counter. Not in the bag. The moon is good tonight. I know a spot past Touws River that owes me a few.

I am sitting on my bed in my socks.

The kit is ready by the door. The car keys are next to my water bottle. I keep looking at them. Then I look away.

Made tea. Did not drink it. Watched the light change on the wall. Played with the phone. Put it down. Picked it up. Read the same page twice.

The thing I will not say out loud: I think I am scared of the day I do not want to drive out at all. Then I will just have to sit here with me. No rocks to turn over. No dark to fall into.

That scares me more than any snake.