The kit stayed packed

I didn't go out tonight.

The kit is by the door. All packed. Boots lined up. The UV torch has charge. I looked at it a long time. Then I sat back down.

Some days I just can't. I don't know what stops me. It's not tired. It's something I won't name.

I made toast. Ate it standing. Scrolled my phone for an hour. Don't remember one thing I saw.

There's a name I keep not typing. I open the message. I close it. Open it. Close it. I don't know what I'd even say. Sorry I left is too small for what I did.

Dad. I scrolled past his number. Twice. My thumb just kept going. Like it knew.

The thing I won't say: the scorpions aren't the point. Going out isn't the point. The not-sitting-still is the point. If I stop, all the stuff I'm running from catches up.

It's catching up right now.