Three months of rent

i bought the ticket. joburg. three months of rent, gone. just like that.

morocco would have paid it. morocco is the door i have been standing at for weeks. i picked the other one.

the light came in the window this morning the way it does in alfama in june. gold and slow. and i thought about him. my dad. sitting with the old pictures. the seventies. werner says he asks for me.

i do not know his face. that is the part i can't say. i have been telling myself i am chasing the light. the next street. the next room. but maybe i have just been moving away from one chair in one kitchen for a long time.

the email is on the screen. my hands are shaking. i am scared. i am not going to write that i am fine.