Too tired to be far

I am back. I am in Joburg. I am on a top bunk.

A German girl is asleep under a net. I can hear her breathe. The fan goes round.

Werner met me at the gate. Same white face. Same paper cup. Twenty years and he has not changed. Me, I have.

I walked in on a passport that is not from here. My own country did not know me.

He did not say it. I did not say it. We both know why he brought me here and not the other place. This one is close to my dad's house. I said close. I do not know why I said close.

Maybe I want to be close. Maybe I am just too tired to be far.

I have an old photo in my pocket. I have not looked at it once today. I keep feeling the shape with my thumb.

I am scared to go see him. I am scared I will.

That is the real one. That is the one I will not say out loud.