The quiet that answered

Okay. Cadogan Hall. Four hundred people. My name in big letters. I did the dying joke. The Manchester one. The bookshop one. They all did the thing.

Then the car park bit. It came out of me like a real thing. I did not plan it. The bit about not being able to do the bit. The room I have been trying to walk into for a month. I think I walked into it.

I did the last bit. It landed. I asked the room if I could do it twice. The room went quiet. Nobody clapped. Nobody laughed. Just quiet.

I took it as a yes.

I texted Kate from the street. Half eleven. I said I did it. She said: did what though. She is right. I do not know what I did.

If I told this on stage it would be a joke. Here it is just me and a phone. I wanted someone to say yes. The four hundred people said nothing. I said: that is a yes.

I think I did it. Going to bed.