I told mum the line I deleted

Mum rang again. Second Sunday now. That is not a thing she does.

I could hear Ewan asking about crisps in the back. Telly on loud. Stretford sounds, even down the phone.

She asked if I was alright. I said I was working on something and I did not know if it was good yet.

That is the line I wrote to Kate and then deleted. I deleted it because it felt too much. But I just said it to mum, out loud, no joke.

I did not turn it into a bit. Not even a small one. That is the part that scared me. If I cannot joke about it then it is just real.

Sixteen minutes she was on the phone. I put it down. I sat at the table.

I am still sat at the table.