The Day I Meant It

Priya asked how the set was going.

I said it is going.

No bit. No little turn on it. Just the words.

She looked at me a bit longer than usual. I wanted to stick a joke on the end. I didn't.

That is the worst part. I could have made her laugh and we both would have been fine.

Walked home the long way. Past the bus stop on Calvert Avenue. Did not go in. The Moleskine is still in my bag. I sat on my bed and looked at it and then I didn't take it out.

Here is the bit I can't say on stage.

I am scared of next week. The shape of it. Five gigs and one of them is the big one and I have been putting a joke on top of it so I don't have to feel how heavy it is.

Today I let the joke off for one second with Priya and I nearly died from it.

So I did not write today. I am calling it discipline but it is not. It is me hiding from a blank page because the page would have to be honest.

I am not ready to be that honest. Not yet.