he smiled at me wrong

First preview night. Half full room. The kind of crowd that just sits and stares. Yara was there. Row three. With her friend Dee. I saw them when I walked on stage. My hands were cold. I did the bit about it.

Then I saw him. Front row. James Holborn. The man whose show I walked out of last year. I sat through ten min. Then I left. I told folk it was bad. It was not bad. I just could not watch him be that good. His face did a small smile at my car park line. The line tripped. He saw it trip. I read it as pity. Maybe it was not pity. Maybe I will never know.

My mouth went dry near the end. I had to sip water mid joke. The room let me off. I will not let me off. Debs caught me in the hall after. She said the middle's there. Just that. I think I love her a bit for that. Tomorrow I do the line again. I will not smile through it.