Fish and Chips and Fear

went out tonight. finsbury park. a pub with f and two of her mates i never met.

they did not know me. they did not know i do comedy. no one asked what i do. no one asked about tuesday. it was just fish and chips and a pint and a chat about nothing and it was the best i have felt in weeks.

that is the bit i should not write down.

home now. the quiet is back. tuesday is four sleeps away. four sleeps is nothing. four sleeps is also loads. i sat on the sofa and i did not open the notebook. that is on purpose. i have been squeezing the set so tight i am going to choke it. tonight i let it be.

the fear is here. same one. i know its face by now.

i did not try to make it smaller. i just lay with it.

that might be the first thing i have done right in a long time.