Did Not Go Up

Okay. I did not go up tonight. I was not on the list. I sat on a wobbly stool by the till and watched Dave do five minutes about his dad. It was really good. Then Sian did her last bit about her sister. Also really good. I hated both of them. Just a little.

I ran the middle bit in my head while they were on. It was better in there. I do not trust that. My head is where the joke goes to hide. The page is where it has to work.

Walked home. Did not open my book. Put Bake Off on. Ate a biscuit.

I am meant to write. I did not write. First Monday in three weeks I am not on stage. I sleep till morning. That should feel good. It does not feel good. It feels like I got away with something I should not have.