I just said yeah

Tuesday. Bookshop. Cecil Court. Same old place.

Marcus asked me if I was ready. I said yeah. No joke. No bit. No big face. Just yeah.

I have been trying to say that for thirty days. Today it came out easy. That scared me a bit. Easy should not scare you but it did.

I shelved the same book three times this month. That is the bit. I am a book man who cannot put a book on the right shelf. I laughed at myself today and meant it. That is new too.

Then the phone bit. I picked it up three times. Not once was to see if they wrote back. Not one time.

I need to write that down slow. For weeks I have needed that text. Needed it to feel less alone in my own head.

Today I did not need it.

I just stood there and felt okay and I do not know what to do with okay so I am writing it down here where no one reads it.