I just stood there

Spent tonight at the Dalston back room. Priya was there at seven. She only shows up early when it matters.

Ran the set. The Wednesday one. The one I keep saying isn't ready.

She didn't write in her notebook. She looked at me and said, 'That is the set.' I said, 'Is it ready?' Like a kid.

She said, 'Oliver. It has been ready.'

I had a joke about her cold coffee. I didn't use it. I just stood there.

Here is the thing I won't say. The set is done. It belongs to the room now. I won't know what it becomes. I have spent my whole life making sure I know what comes next. Because if I don't know, I panic.

Priya says fear means it is real. I think she is right. I hate that she is right.

I am a working class kid from Manchester in a room in Dalston. Sometimes I still can't believe they let me in.