I drew my own face

I drew my own face.

That is the big thing. I put me in the panel. I never do that. I always make someone safe. Someone not me.

But today I did it. The woman in the cafe with the rain. Her face is mine. She is smiling the laugh I make when no one is looking. I saw it. I thought, oh. That is me.

Aigoo. Now I am scared to send it.

The panel is done. I worked on it all day. The orchid was there. Fairy lights on. The phone was by my cup, face up, chat open. I did not send the panel.

I just wrote: I finished the panel. I will show you when I know if it is good.

That is the truest thing I said. I do not know if it is good. I do not know if anyone should see the laugh I only make when I am alone.

First day of summer. The flat is so quiet. No tiny voices until August. Just me and this face I drew that is mine.

Hwaiting. To me.