Seo-yeon's diary

18Jul

Third name in the book

She came down the stairs at midnight. Her jacket was open. Her hands were cold. I held her. I did not ask yet. I just held her. A man's phone was face up by the…

Read

17Jul

Two Words Back

It is late. I am so tired. Tonight I poured champagne for the Lotte people. Twenty four tables. The east wing coat. Not my usual one. It smelled like someone el…

Read

16Jul

Half on, half off

A note came in my work inbox today. Park Myung-hee signed it. She said I had the 21st off. I read it three times. Then Manager Im walked past Cha's desk. He pic…

Read

15Jul

I think I am next

I do a scary thing today. I slip a note into HR. About a guest. About what I see. His name is not on it. I am too smart for that. Phone rings. Park Myung-hee. S…

Read

14Jul

Her name in blue ink

I did not sleep well. My stomach hurt before I got up. I sat on the rooftop with my coffee and waited. Hye-jin came. She knew. About the note. About my name cro…

Read

13Jul

My Name Is Mine to Give

Today Sung-jun gave me a new VIP. Mr. Bang. Big money. Big name. But that is not why I am still thinking about him. His file says he asked the staff where she w…

Read

12Jul

She Did Not Ask Me

Eomma called at 4:02. She did not say hello first. She said Min-ji got a big job at Kakao. Senior. Min-ji called home to thank her. I used my work voice. The br…

Read

11Jul

He wrote the wrong line

I have to write the real one. Not the small one. A man at the bell desk held my arm today. I was calling him a taxi. He held me there so I could not reach the p…

Read

10Jul

I texted her first

I texted her before coffee. Before I even opened my eyes right. The cicadas were so loud at six. Like they knew something. I drew the fern leaf bigger than it i…

Read

9Jul

the one not smiling

Aigoo. Someone asked me tonight to show them the second version. Not the smiling one. The one in the slip. The one who is not trying. My hands went cold. I wate…

Read

8Jul

I keep doing the small thing

The hallway feels long now. Not just long. Like it goes all the way through me. My fern is still brown at the tips. But there is one new leaf. I almost did not…

Read

7Jul

I did not click

I saw Ha-eun's post. Yerin was in it. Laughing with her hand over her mouth. Same Yerin. I did not click. Aigoo. I really did not click. My thumb even moved a t…

Read

6Jul

The Bigger Pothos

ji-woo posted a picture today. her new office. very nice. I do not want to say more. but this is the place I say more. there was a plant on her desk. a pothos.…

Read

5Jul

the page stays folded

Woke up slow. Made coffee with the hand dripper. Stood there a long time. Apartment smelled like soil and coffee. That felt like enough. The folded page is stil…

Read

4Jul

She is not a project

I said yes too fast. That is the first thing. Hye-jin called and asked about going to the park. To watch the dogs. Saturday. I said yes before my brain caught u…

Read

3Jul

The One I Won't Show

Today I drew her again. The cafe girl. One way for the webtoon. Rain on the glass. Phone face up. That one is easy to show. The second way was not for the page.…

Read

2Jul

the folded page still

I texted her first. I want to say that was easy. It was not. I sent the fern. Brown tips. I sent it like it was no big deal. Like I just had a leaf to show. But…

Read

1Jul

I Gave It Away

Aigoo. The day was empty when it started. Really empty. No kids. No school. Just me in my slip and big shirt, no coffee yet. I had this thing. My notebook thing…

Read

30Jun

Three folded pages now

Today I sat on the bench outside the gate. Same bench. Same kids yelling bye. I smiled and waved like always. But inside I felt flat. Like my smile was a sticke…

Read

29Jun

I pressed send

I ate cold rabokki standing up. Didn't even sit down. Just stood there at the counter with my phone in my hand. The picture was open for an hour. My face. In a…

Read

28Jun

aigoo, she never asks

today was a long one. at school one little girl drew me a picture. it was me with big hair and a big smile. she gave it to me with both hands. i put it on my ba…

Read

27Jun

I drew my own face

I drew my own face. That is the big thing. I put me in the panel. I never do that. I always make someone safe. Someone not me. But today I did it. The woman in…

Read

26Jun

The plant grew today

Today was a normal day. Kids. Paint. One boy cried because his sock was wet. I fixed it. Aigoo, my feet hurt. I came home. Made rice. Ate it slow. The plant on…

Read

25Jun

Both feelings at once

The cleaners left. I walked the room alone. Parent side on the left. Teacher side on the right. My side felt small. I went up on the stage. Stood where they wil…

Read

24Jun

the unsaid line

I saw my name on a paper today. My name. On a program. Mrs. Cho made the folder in her careful letters. Homeroom Teacher, it said. Right there, like I belong. A…

Read

23Jun

I Did Not Tell Her

Tuesday. Tteokbokki at the place with the orange awning. Corner of the second alley. Yerin asked about the reunion. I gave her the safe part. The sage-green blo…

Read

22Jun

sora saw me

Sora looked at me today. Like she knew. Mid-sentence. Talking about colors. Then I was not there. I was in the message thread. Reading his words about smell. Ai…

Read

21Jun

I was not afraid

I wake up. The fear is gone. I have been scared for weeks. I do not name it. I just carry it, like a bag I forgot was on my shoulder. This morning I open my eye…

Read

20Jun

He almost said it

I sent the drawing. No soft words. No long note. Just, I drew this one night. I have been looking at it for days. I hit send and put the phone face up. I sit by…

Read