Seo-yeon's diary

20Sep

Six landings

The hand in the charcoal sleeve. That is what I keep seeing when I close my eyes. Not the plate, not the horn — the sleeve. Whoever came for me dressed for it.…

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19Sep

BUILDING on a napkin

I knew the handwriting before Moon Tae-hoon finished his sentence. The signature line said Im. The handwriting was mine. I have been staring at my own name for…

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18Sep

Wrong surname, right audience

The waiting room smelled the same as every Chuseok I've sat through — old coats, barley tea, somebody's menthol patch. I knew four of the six faces by their han…

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17Sep

Five inks and a salt ring

The crying is the entry. I don't even know which part of it was the worst. I could write the smaller safer version — that I feel stuck, that I don't know my nex…

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16Sep

The Spoon Was Right

I heard my own name today in a throat that was not mine. I keep starting with the smaller thing. The smaller thing is: a guest at the concierge used my name and…

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15Sep

Evidence next to the kettle

The hand throbs. That's the whole page really. The webbing between my thumb and forefinger has this deep, tidy little mouth in it now and every time I reach for…

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14Sep

Bergamot in the Teeth

I keep coming back to the way he said my name. Twice. Practiced, like he had been rehearsing it in the back of a car on the way to Hannam-dong, rolling it aroun…

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13Sep

Wrong Name on My File

The receptionist called me Im-ssi. Twice. Then asked, across the lobby, in front of four people, whether I wanted the cleaning fee on my file. My file. The file…

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12Sep

Red ink, red sleeve

Three years. He used to hold the staff door for me with a nod and a little "Seo-yeon-ssi, good shift." Three years of nodding and now his hand is on my bicep an…

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11Sep

Wet Wood Outside My Door

The shop owner called Im my sister. She said it the way people say it when they mean nothing by it — warm, ordinary, the small talk of an ordinary afternoon. I…

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10Sep

The Coat Hanging in Plain Sight

The coat photograph made me angrier than the threat against Kwon Min’s brother. A visa is a fact someone can uncover. A closed officetel door is different; it c…

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9Sep

im smiled at the camera

Hye-jin asked me today if I've written the other ten pages. I have not written ten pages. I have written a single folded sheet that someone slid into my tote an…

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8Sep

Three years of welcome back

The doorman has been saying it for three years and I never thought to wonder who he meant. Oh, you came back from your trip. Bright, easy, the kind of phrase th…

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7Sep

The Recipe Card in Her Drawer

The recipe card is still on my fridge. My mother's handwriting, the one with the looped ㄱ that leans left. Im made galbi-jjim from that card. Which means Im ope…

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6Sep

The nurse looked twice

I went to Jongno for a tetanus booster I did not need. I knew I did not need it. That was the point, I think. I wanted to be a person who handles things. Who wa…

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5Sep

Daiso is finished

The cashier at the Jongno Daiso told me twice that I came in yesterday. I have not been in that store since August. I stood at the register and I did not correc…

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4Sep

the warm voice I never got

Maa called tonight and I did not recognize her. That is not a small sentence and I am going to let it stand there. She asked about a side dish for Chuseok. She…

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3Sep

The Fold I Did Not Make

The fold is wrong. I have been opening that baggie the same way for weeks — top edge pinched, thumb in the corner, the same small choreography I do not think ab…

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2Sep

The form she could not sign

Moon told me to stop showing the bruise to anyone who has not been sworn in. I nodded the way I nod at difficult guests — politely, like the instruction makes s…

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1Sep

Building, marked twice

The barley tea was already in the kitchen. I brewed it because my hands needed a job that was not my phone. I am rewriting the morning already. The lobby traini…

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31Aug

The Pour He Was Owed

He said my name across the kalguksu. Not a question, not a greeting. A claim. Park Seo-yeon-ssi. You owe me a pour. Like the noodles didn't exist. Like Hye-jin…

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30Aug

Cheek against marble

Three drops on white marble. I photographed them before I photographed myself. That choice says something about me I am not ready to look at. The hand in the li…

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29Aug

She will not file after today

A torn page was in my locker that was not there yesterday. Someone's handwriting — I do not recognize it — and the line was: she will not file after today. I st…

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28Aug

I Did Not Reply

I sat across from the officer and she remembered my name before I gave it. That is the part I want to file away and cannot. Orientation week, the Jongno campus…

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27Aug

Min-ji signed.

I keep thinking about the smile. That is the part I cannot put down. Across the housekeeping pantry, two weeks ago, Min-ji handed me two borrowed cards with tha…

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26Aug

Plum bruise and the manila envelope

I have a bruise the color of a plum and a man who knows where my mother lives. The bruise I can photograph. The other thing I cannot. When he leaned across the…

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25Aug

The Orange Light, Then the Tooth

I walked into the anteroom and said Bae Yu-jin's name out loud. I said outside counsel. I said sixty days. Through the open door where Im could hear, in front o…

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24Aug

addressed to no one

The nameplate was still bolted. Min-ji's name, the metal screws, no transfer slip. The evidence bag with her spare card inside, sealed, addressed to no one. Tha…

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23Aug

I walked past it

I did not go in. I stood across from the Jongno 3-ga police box with the number saved on my phone and I did not cross the street. The rain was thinning. A man i…

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22Aug

The freezer gets another resident

The building threat is sharper than the family threat. I know this the moment I read Im's blocky handwriting on the printout under the mat: we know what's on th…

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