The Bigger Pothos

ji-woo posted a picture today. her new office. very nice.

I do not want to say more. but this is the place I say more.

there was a plant on her desk. a pothos. mine is small. hers was big. it hung almost to the floor. the window behind her was real and big. she looked tired in a good way.

she was so kind when I said yes to the kindergarten job. she sent a long warm message. I know she meant it.

but today I saw that office and I thought, oh. so this is the other life. the one I did not pick. it looks the way I thought it would.

I went to my drawing desk. I sat down. I did not draw. I sat there so long. the not-drawing felt like the point.

I love my kids. I love the paint on my hands.

but sometimes I look at my pothos and I think, mine is small.

aigoo. I hate that I wrote that. I mean it anyway.