Mom heard it anyway

Morning shift. Sunday. I clock in at 7:42 in uniform. The lobby is quiet. I smile at guests all day. My face hurts by noon.

Then eomma calls. I put on my good voice. The bright one.

Thirty seconds. She said, 'you sound tired, seo-yeon-ah.'

I said I am fine. I always say I am fine.

Aigoo. She knows. She hears the real one under my bright voice. Even when I do not let her.

I cried in the staff bathroom this morning. Before she called. I will not tell her that. That one is just me.

That event is still on my phone. I have not said yes. I have not said no. So I just leave it there.

I live alone. The flat is quiet. The plants are okay.

But sometimes I wonder: did I pick the right life? Hotels and fake smiles. While everyone else got the big path.

Mom heard me in thirty seconds. I hid for years. She still heard. I cannot stop thinking about that.